They’ve turned heartbreak into a business model. Somewhere right now, criminals are managing dozens of fake relationships with people who think they’ve found love online. Many of these scammers are themselves victims – human trafficking survivors forced to operate these cons in digital sweatshops across Southeast Asia.
It’s cold, calculated, and surprisingly sophisticated – but once you know how the con works, it becomes much easier to spot.
Inside the romance scam factory
The persona workshop
These aren’t amateur fake profiles. Scammers create characters designed to tick specific boxes. The “successful businessman temporarily working abroad” explains why he can’t meet you yet and why he might need emergency funds. Military profiles are popular because they explain limited communication and create emotional connection to service and sacrifice.
They steal photos from real people’s social media – choosing attractive but not impossibly perfect images. Too glamorous and you might reverse-search the photos. Too ordinary and you might not be interested.
The love bombing phase
In scammer training manuals, this initial phase is called “nurturing” or “cultivation” – part of what criminals coldly refer to as “pig butchering.” The metaphor is as chilling as it sounds: they see victims as pigs to be fattened up before slaughter.
They’re taught specific phrases that research has shown to be most effective. Lines like:
“I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to find someone like you” “You’re so different from other people on dating sites” “I can see myself having a future with you”
These aren’t spontaneous romantic feelings – they’re tested scripts. Scammers use specific language to groom victims and often make deliberate spelling mistakes to gauge how easily a victim can be fooled – if you overlook obvious red flags, you’re worth their time investment.
The “wrong number” opening gambit
Many romance scams now start with what appears to be an accidental contact. You might receive a WhatsApp message like:
“Hi Kevin, looking forward to dinner tomorrow! 😊”
When you reply that they have the wrong number, instead of apologising and ending contact, they continue:
“Oh sorry! You seem nice though, how was your day?”
This isn’t coincidence – it’s a tested opening strategy that disarms your suspicion because it doesn’t feel like someone trying to sell you something.
The warning signs they hope you’ll miss
- Script recognition: If their messages sound too perfect or follow patterns like the examples above, trust your instincts. Real people aren’t consistently charming in every message.
- Photo inconsistencies: Reverse search their images on Google. Scammers often steal photos from models, influencers, or military personnel.
- Communication patterns: They’re always available to chat but consistently avoid phone calls or video chats. In the pig butchering playbook, voice contact is discouraged because accents give away their real location.
- Moving too fast emotionally: The artificial intimacy timeline is a dead giveaway. Legitimate relationships develop organically with natural ups and downs.
- Generic personal details: Their stories about work or background might be vague because they’re managing multiple fake identities and can’t keep details straight.
Your protection playbook
- Test their knowledge: Ask specific questions about their claimed location, job, or background. Someone who really lives in Manchester can tell you about local areas or recent events.
- Demand real-time interaction: Insist on video calls. Real people can accommodate these occasionally, even with busy schedules. Scammers will consistently find excuses.
- Share with trusted friends: Describe the relationship to people who know you well. They can spot concerning patterns that emotional involvement makes harder for you to see.
- Never send money or gifts: This is your absolute red line. Real romantic interests don’t need financial help from people they haven’t met.
If you’ve been caught in their web
Cut contact immediately: Block them everywhere and don’t respond to attempts to re-establish contact. Continued contact only gives them more opportunities to manipulate you.
Report the fraud: Contact Action Fraud (0300 123 2040) with all details, messages, and photos. Your report helps build cases against criminal networks.
Secure your finances: If you’ve sent money or provided financial information, alert your bank immediately. Monitor your accounts for unusual activity.
Don’t blame yourself: These are sophisticated psychological operations designed to exploit normal human emotions. Being targeted doesn’t reflect your intelligence.
Get support: Romance fraud causes real emotional trauma alongside financial loss. Victim Support (0808 168 9111) provides free, confidential help.
The bigger picture
The romance scam industry exists because it’s profitable, but it only works when people don’t know how the tricks operate. Now that you do, you’re a harder target.
Your desire for love and connection isn’t naïve – it’s human. But knowing how criminals exploit these feelings gives you the power to protect yourself while staying open to genuine relationships.
The best defence isn’t cynicism about online dating. It’s understanding the specific techniques fraudsters use, so you can spot the difference between someone genuinely interested in you and someone running a con. Knowledge is your best protection, and now you’re armed with it.
